I have come to realize that sometimes we need to break away from the people that are negative in our lives even if those people are family members. Let’s face it family to me is everything and I wish that I would get along or have a great bond with each and one of them. It just doesn’t happen and it will never happen, you may get along great with one of your cousins and then with another you don’t even talk to, you know? I am here to tell you that it’s okay to break away from those family members who do not offer anything positive in your life and break free of the negative feelings and awkwardness.
This topic is an easy one for me believe it or not. I have to say that before it would have been a hard one because I was young, did not really care about negative family members in a way that I do now. The reason for my change of mind is that I have children now and as you know having kids can change everything about us specially who we hang out with.
We look for people that have a positive impact on us and our children. It is very sad when those people that are negative is one or many of your family members. When I say negative I mean various of things like being a gossiper and believe me I like some gossip myself but not to the point where I am hurting someone. Also family members that do not acknowledge your work or anything nice that you do. There are some that you just know that there is not a bond, that they look at you and you see nothing. That used to piss me off , not anymore thank goodness, they are not worth my feelings.
I have an example that I am going to share because I feel is appropriate since I am writing about this and also gives you the confidence to write about your experiences.
- I feel like things changed when I got pregnant for the first time. I wanted their support and they did not give it to me. I am not talking about all of the extended family but some did not act like I wanted them to. It is true and it is sad.
What I take from this..
When I was younger I was so happy and proud of my family(extended family) because we were so close. Holidays was a great time because we would all share presents, dance, laugh and have an amazing time. My cousins and I used to be very close and after I got pregnant it all changed, that’s how I felt and still feel. What I take from this is that I have to move forward with my life and not put effort into something that is not worth it.
Believe me it was worth it before to mend those relationships but now I truly do not care because if they do not put effort into things I will not either. Positivity is what matters, people that truly care for me and my family is what matters and I am happy with that. I’m not saying that I have a grudge against those who do not appreciate me , I’m saying that I learned to love those who love me for me and the rest do not exist.
Sometimes we need to let go of those family members that do not transmit positive vibes and just see them at holidays or birthdays if anything. Family members who only like to talk, that you do not feel a bond with, you do not feel a good connection with is not healthy. You can see them once in a while because they are family but you do not need to have them in your inner circle. My hubby, my kids, my sisters, my parents are my world and as long as I have them I have everything.
Positive steps you can take to mend the relationships
- Talk to them and explain how they make you feel.
- Ask yourself if your relationship with them is really worth the pain and struggle.
- Pray and talk to God.
- Find ways to work on your problems.
- Just let it go and move on.
I am excluding some family members because most of them are great but as you know there are some that are not so great
What are your experiences with negative family members, what are your feelings and thoughts about this topic?
“Que hacer cuando la persona Negativa en tu vida es un familiar”
Este tema en realidad es muy facil para mi. Tengo que decirles que antes este tema hubiese sido dificil porque era joven y en realidad no me importaba sobre los miembros de mi familia que eran negativos. La razon porque cambie de idea es que ahora tengo mis hijos, y ustedes saben que al tener hijos muchas cosas en nuestras vidas cambian, especialmente con quien nosotros compartimos el tiempo.
Nosotras como mamas buscamos personas que van a tener un impacto positivo en nuestras vidas y de nuestros hijos. Es muy triste cuando las personas negativa es uno o mas de tu familiares. Cuando digo negativo para mi significa muchas cosas, como ejemplo, los familiares que les gusta el chisme y lo hacen para “joder” a la otra persona. Hay otros familiares que no reconocen las cosas buenas que hacen sino se enfocan en cosas negativas. Le doy gracias a Dios que ya no me importa porque ellos no valen mis sentimientos.
Que aprendi de esto…
Cuando era mas joven estaba my orgullosa de mi familia y estaba feliz en tener una familia como la mia, eramos muy apegados uno al otro. En los dias de fiestas bailabamos, compartiamos regalos en navidad, nos reiamos y teniamos un tiempo increible como familia. Mis primos y yo solíamos estar muy cerca y después cuando quedé embarazada todo cambió , eso es lo que sentí y sigo sintiendo .
Lo que aprendi de esto es que tengo que seguir adelante con mi vida y no poner esfuerzo en algo que no vale la pena . Créeme que valió la pena antes, de reparar esas relaciones pero ahora realmente no me importa porque no veo en ellos ese deseo de tener nuevamente esa relacion. La positividad es lo que importa , la gente que realmente se preocupan por mí y mi familia es lo que importa y estoy feliz con eso. No estoy diciendo que le tengo rencor a aquellos que no me aprecian, estoy diciendo que yo aprendi a querer a aquellos que me aprecian a mi y lo demas no existen.
*** No estoy hablando de toda mi familia porque la mayoria son muy Buenos, pero siempre hay algunos que el lazo familiar no es tan fuerte***
Cuales son su experiencia con familiares negativos, que piensas sobre ellos y sobre el tema de hoy?