There I was, a 20-year old college student who just took a pregnancy test and came back positive. There were a lot of different feelings running through my mind and body. I was very nervous, scared of the unknown and just plain out of place with myself. I mean I loved my boyfriend ( now hubby) and he was happy about it, but I wasn’t at that moment. I knew I have failed and disappointed my parents in a way that I never wanted. I felt terrible that my pregnancy was an unplanned one.
My parents were not happy and my dad didn’t speak to me for a month. After all I was still in college, still lived with them and was still trying to figure out my life. But in order to cope and be happy with my pregnancy, I had to have a positive mindset. I had to let go of my immature self and welcome my new mature, soon mom to be self. My parents got over the news pretty quickly, they were super happy about my pregnancy and gave me the support and love that I needed at that particular moment in my life. My sisters were my rock and really made me feel amazing. My hubby was there for me through it all and that made me feel less guilty, sad and more happy and excited about the future.
It really does not matter if you’re a teenager, college student, single independent woman or a mom. Unplanned pregnancies can happen. Yes it will make you feel all sorts of emotions. Yes, it will probably make you cry at night because of the guilt that you feel, the unknown and maybe even embarrassment. Just know that you are not alone, just know that you will cope with it just fine and just know that you will be happy.
8 ways to cope and be happy with an unplanned pregnancy
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1.Have a support system
Having a support system is very crucial in this moment of your life. You need the support of those you love in order to help you deal with this situation the best way possible. Surround yourself with family and friends who are positive and happy that you’re pregnant not those who are judgemental and negative. The last thing that you need is someone who is going to bring you down and not give you the advice and support that you need.
Talk to your family and friends about your feelings, your fears, your concerns. Express it all to them, I’m so sure that they are willing to help you out. After all, that’s what having a strong and good support system is all about. Lean on them.
2.Have a positive mindset
After you have let out all the emotions in the entire world about your unplanned or unexpected pregnancy. Now is time to set those negative feelings aside and focus on being positive. Your baby needs you and crying, sobbing and regretting life all together is not going to make you or your precious baby feel good or happy.
Having a positive mindset about your pregnancy will help you get excited about your future. You will see that being pregnant is such a blessing and precious moment in any women’s life. You are living it right now and even though the circumstances were not ideal in which you got pregnant in, it’s okay. Life doesn’t always go as planned. Trust the rewards of positive thinking.
3. Include your partner (if you have one) in everything possible
If you have a partner, by all means include him in your pregnancy. If he ran away after finding out about your pregnancy, it’s his lost and he didn’t deserve you anyway. If you are single, then lean on your support system of family and friends. Include them in your decisions, take someone to your doctor’s appointment and be as open as you can with them.
You may not think that your partner is going through the same emotions as you are, but most likely he is. Talk to each other about your feelings, what are your plans moving forward and about being parents. This will make you both super excited about your baby and feel less stressed and nervous about the whole situation.
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4. Attend your doctor’s appointment
It’s very important to attend every single one of your doctor’s appointments. I always loved going because it was a chance for me to see my baby again. You will feel that close connection with your baby even before she’s born. It is amazing, I promise. Attending your appointments will also ensure that you are getting the care that you need and deserve.Your baby will also be monitored to make sure he or she is growing healthy and accordingly.
Don’t forget to save all your sonogram pictures and make sure your partner is right there with you.
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5. Educate yourself
After my initial unplanned pregnancy shock, I moved forward in my life by educating myself. I searched the webs, I read books and had a fun pregnancy app. All of these things made me happy that I was going to be a mom. Educating yourself is very important, you will have an understanding about what to expect during and after your pregnancy. You will also understand some of the pregnancy terms that are even complicated to pronounce. The pregnancy apps are so much fun because it let’s you know the size of your baby and what fruit or vegetable it resembles for that week. It’s truly awesome!
These are the pregnancy books that I recommend:
6. Make it fun
If you’re feeling down or sad about your unplanned pregnancy, it’s okay. You can feel like this at times but do not make it an everyday ordeal. Get out of that funk by going baby shopping. Hey! It helped me a ton and I’m sure it will help you too. Invite your sisters, mom or friends to go out with you on a fun day full of baby shopping. You can buy a few baby clothes, look around the baby stores to get inspiration for your baby’s nursery and absorb every minute of it.
Look around at the baby items you will like to have in your baby registry. Here’s a a fun and helpful list of the baby items you need before baby arrives.Here’s another list of the baby items you can skip and save money!
7. Have a plan
Sometimes when life throws curve balls your way it can make you feel like you have no solution for it. You’re lost and do not know how to move forward. Creating a plan for the future is a step forward into the right direction. Ask yourself ,if you’re going to keep going to school? Are you going to ask for extra time off from your job after your baby is born. Are you going to move into a bigger house before your baby is born? Are you finally moving in with your partner? All of these questions are helpful in planning out your future before and after your baby arrives.
It will make you feel in control and things doesn’t have to be unplanned and unexpected. You can plan things out from now, for your sanity and happiness. Keeping a pregnancy journal is a great way to plan out your future, write your feelings down, write about your growing baby bump and even write a few pregnancy to do lists.
Having an unplanned pregnancy is not something ideal but it does happen. I leaned to God for help and for his support. I prayed for a healthy pregnancy and baby. I prayed that the Lord gives me strethgn, hope and happiness for my unknown future. You know what? It really made me feel at ease and good. I knew that I was going to be okay. If you are a religious person or if you believe in God, please do not ask “why did I get pregnant at this moment ” but instead ask him ” Where do I move from here” He will give you the answers and will not let you do this alone. His right there with you. You can also read the bible, focus on his words and you will see things slowly falling into place.
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Realizing that you’re pregnant can be such an amazing feeling and experience. So many emotions will be running through your mind. Having an unplanned or unexpected pregnancy can bring all of those emotions times two. Most of it negative though. Now after the sudden shock and denial, it’s time to learn how to cope with it and be happy with your pregnancy. Having a strong support system on your side is very important for your well being. You will lean on them and they will help you get through this. They will help you see that you will be a great mom, you are going to be happy and that the future is bright and clear.
Involving your partner if you have one can be so beneficial for both of you. You are both going through this unplanned pregnancy together and therefor should experience everything or most of the things together. Talk about your fears and concerns, talk about your future lives as a family and really help each other cope and be happy with the pregnancy. Doing fun things like going baby shopping is a great distraction for you. Picture yourself using the baby items, get inspiration for your baby’s nursery and have fun!
Reading books and educating yourself is a win win for you. You are going to learn everything that you should expect while being pregnant and everything that you should expect after pregnancy. Read a mixture of funny and educational books to help you adjust, be happy and excited for your new arrival. Attend all of your doctor’s appointments and you will see how fun they are. You will feel so much closer to your baby every time you see her/him in the sonogram. It’s truly magical. Lean on God, pray and have faith that you, your baby and your partner will be just fine and you will make it through. Unplanned pregnancies are not always fun but they do teach you a valuable lesson, that you were always meant to carry this baby even if you thought it was unplanned. This was your destiny,savor these moments and good luck mama!