Okay, I’ll go first. I’ve experienced gender disappointment with my first child. When I was pregnant with my first child, I was secretly hoping for a boy. I had always envisioned having a boy first to protect his younger sisters. That was not what God had envisioned for me though. But, truth be told, I was disappointed and I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to feel this way.
Yes, when your pregnant the first thing you always say when someone asks you “do you want a boy or a girl” is that you just want a healthy baby. Which of course you do! But, deep down inside I know every mom, every dad hopes for either a girl or a boy. It’s reality and I’m all for supporting my mamas who have felt this way or are trying to cope with gender disappointment.
You may feel ashamed and confused as to why you’re reacting in such an “ungrateful” way. But, take this out of your mind, you’re human, you know you’re blessed to have a healthy baby but you are also allowed to feel what you’re feeling at this moment.
Nothing feels better during your pregnancy than to feel ready, organized and prepared before your baby arrives! Here’s a great Baby Prep workbook to get your hands on!
I’m sharing with you these 5 uplifting and powerful ways to cope with gender disappointment during your pregnancy and why you shouldn’t feel ashamed of it.
8 uplifting ways to cope with gender disappointment in pregnancy
1.Embrace your feelings
Trust me, what you’re feeling right now, is not going to stay forever. At this very moment you feel disappointment, sadness and you’re probably even angry. This is fine, do not hide your feelings. It’s okay to say ” You know what, I’m actually sad I’m not having a girl(or boy)”.
These are your feelings at this very moment, you are a human and humans have feelings right? Maybe it’s not what people expect or want to hear from you. But it happens and it’s reality. The good news is that you will soon be happy about it!
2.Talk about it
Talking about it is going to help you tremendously. Speak with your spouse about how you’re feeling, maybe he’s feeling the same way. You just never know. When you communicate your feelings to someone, it helps you heal faster. This person can help you feel so much better and you need the support right now.
Don’t ever feel ashamed of showing your true emotions, specially to your spouse. I’m 100% sure, he’s not going to judge you but rather find a way to help you overcome this.
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I believe in the power of prayers. So, I’m going to recommend you to pray (if you’re religious) and speak with God. He is not going to judge you, he is not going to be mad at you, he’s going to listen. Cry if you have to girl and let it out. You’re we going to feel so much better 🙂
You will later understand and feel his power 🙂
Did you know you can start learning about breastfeeding even before your baby is born? Yes! Check out Milkology, an online breastfeeding class given by a lactation consultant!
4. You’re not alone
Do you know that you’re not the only one who has had experienced gender disappointment? There’s another pregnant mama right now, who’s feeling the same way as you are. Do not every feel ashamed of this. You may question yourself as to why you’re feeling like this when you’re supposed to be happy. I get it. Know that this will pass, sooner than you think.
5. You’re not a bad mom
Right now, you are probably thinking the worst about yourself. Just because at this moment you’re not happy with the gender of your baby, does not mean that you’re going to be a bad mom. I’m telling you right now, you’re going to be the best mom you can ever be. You’re going to love your child unconditionally and you’re going to be okay.
6. It will come naturally
You may not have pictured yourself being a girl mom and was probably the tough gal at school who loved sports. You don’t know how to play with barbies, do tea parties etc. What If I tell you that your fears or worries about not being able to bond with your baby will be erased, the moment that you see your new born baby for the first time. You’ll automatically be the best tea party hostess, pink or girly things will come like second nature to you.
It’s true, vice versa goes if you were not expecting a boy. You’ll learn to love all things boy. Start by buying baby boy clothes, boy toys, read about what it’s like having a boy and more!
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7. Write it down
Writing down your feelings can help you cope with gender disappointment as well. When you write things down on a piece of paper or in your pregnancy planner!
Writing down your feelings can help you cope with gender disappointment as well. Write things down on a piece of paper or in your pregnancy planner!
You can answer these questions, why are you feeling this way? What can you do now to help you get over this? Whose support do you need the most? All of these questions are going to be answered by you, not now, but later. Right now, you’re letting your feelings out on your trusted pregnancy journal. Take your time, be honest and write with your heart. You will see the light at the end of this 🙂
8.This too shall pass
Like everything else, this too shall pass. This very moment will pass faster than you realize it will. You’ll soon be so happy and beaming for your little baby to arrive. The feeling of gender disappointment will soon fade away. I promise. It’s a matter of time. So give it time.
I hope you have found these tips on overcoming gender disappointment up- lifting. I want you to know that I went through it as well and I’m here to tell you that can overcome this. You need to be positive and not feel ashamed that you’re sad because you’re having a girl/boy instead of the one you wished for.
I’m here for you and know that you’re not alone. I went through it, both of my aunts went through it, my friend blogger at Urban Mom Tales went through it. You get where I’m going with this. Stay strong, be patient and give it time. Just know that you’re going to a great mom to your precious baby, don’t every doubt that 🙂