I’ve never yelled so much in my life than after having children. It’s the truth and I’m not afraid to admit it or say it. We as moms, yell a lot, we lose our patience fairly quickly at times. Some reasons may be we lack sleep and we are just plain tired. There are many reasons and factor as to why we may scream at our children, sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes we scream so often that it has become a bad habit to break.
You need to stop yelling at your kids or at least limit the amount of times that you yell for whatever reason it may be. That’s why I’m sharing with you 8 helpful tips to stop yelling at your kids, because I’m that mom and I know you are too.
There are exception to this rule of course, like if you child is holding your favorite expensive vase and it’s swinging it back and forth. You might yell “Don’t do that!”, I completely understand and you know what? Yelling at times is justifiable. But sadly most of the time that we yell at our children is simply because we are used to yelling.
But honestly Yelling at your kids doesn’t feel good and it’s not the answer if we want our kids attention. I know this might seem impossible to do, you know? Not yell or get loud at our kids because kids can definitely tests us in ways never seen before, ha!
Since we are both in the same “yelling” boat, I thought I would share with you the many ways, we as moms can stop, can think and can manage certain situations in a more the positive way.
P.S: I know we can’t completely eliminate the yelling, let’s get real. At times it will slip, but trying out these tips will definitely help!
8 helpful tips to stop yelling at your kids
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1.Breathe
Sometimes all you need is to stop and take a deep breath. You can even count to three to give yourself some time to calm down. Take it easy and then retrieve to what it was that you wanted to say to your kids. I find that when I stop and breathe, I relax more and have more patience for my kids, which helps me to listen to them.
Here are a few books to read:
2.Take a break
Another good idea to stop yelling at your kids is to take a break and go somewhere quiet. Yes, this can be impossible when you have kids in the house, but leave them watching television or playing in the living room. Go to the bathroom or even bedroom and just take a break from the chaos. Those dirty dishes can wait, that mess that your kids made in the living room can also wait. It definitely helps and works wonders!
Quick note:
If your hubby is home, ask him if he could stay with the kids while you unwind a bit and have sometime to yourself.
Want to know how to be a happier mom, yell less and let go of mom guilt? Read my new ebook!
3. Ask Yourself “Why am I getting loud?”
Why are you getting loud? Is it worth your energy? Is it something reasonable for you to lose your cool over? I know that sometimes it may seem like every little thing that our kids do is worth us yelling for. I have great news for you, it’s not. You may find yourself yelling at your kids because they are not listening to you, they dropped something on the floor or they broke your favorite vase. Those may seem valid reasons to yell or get loud at them but it’s not worth it. There are better ways to communicate effectively to your kids about what they did instead of you yelling at them.
You may want to read the Parenting with Purpose ebook. It lays out how you can prevent power struggles, how to respond when they happen, and what you can learn from these difficult moments. Read it here!
4. It’s Not healthy for you
Want to know another reason why it’s so important to stop yelling at your kids? Don’t you notice that every time you yell, you get more stressed and in a bad mood? Yes! I noticed that too, it’s like my whole day got ruined because I made the decision to yell and get all hyped up. Getting mad, loud and stressing over small things are not worth jeopardizing your health and well being don’t you agree?
5. Ask questions first
Take the time to ask your kids what happened that the vase broke, ask them why they are not behaving. Just simply ask. I find that when I take my time to breathe, take a break and then ask calmly, I get the answers that I am looking for. If I yell at my kids, they will get nervous, sometimes start crying and then we are both left frustrated at the situation.
Asking in a calm manner will get your feelings across more effectively than if you just start yelling out of nowhere. Your kids will not know why you are yelling at them. Explain to them why you are not happy and they will understand.
Quick note:
When I ask my kids why they did certain things, they answer me with a straight answer and then we go from there. I then proceed in explaining to them why they shouldn’t do this or that. They respond more effectively when I calmly ask them, than if I get mad and yell at them.
Check out these journals:
6. You are scaring your kids
Every time you yell at your kids, don’t they look at you with a scared face? They do right? I do not want my kids to be scared of me, I want them to respect me and to listen to me. Being scared is not a good thing, you want your kids to be able to trust you and know that they can go up to you without you getting mad at them. Respect is something that as moms, we need to have from them and respect is not acquired by us yelling at our kids.
7. Imitate behavior
Our kids imitate everything that we do and this start at an early age. Soon they will imitate you and will start getting mad and start yelling at you to get what they want. They will probably think it’s okay to do so because that’s the way mommy gets them to do things.
They may even think it’s normal to yell and get mad at people every time they want something or want someone to pay attention to them. Then their bad behavior starts creeping in and we are left wondering why are kids behave like this, when in fact we are partially to blame. You do not want this to happen, instead try to limit the times that you yell at your kids.
8. Kids are kids
Kids are definitely kids and they are bound to make silly mistakes or accidents. Like spilling juice on the floor, accidently dropping their food or breaking something from the living room. Depending on their age of course, sometime they are curious and want to jump off the sofa without realizing they will hurt themselves. Sometimes they do not know what’s right from wrong. This is where we intervene and explain to them what we expect from them, behavior wise. You need to explain that certain behaviors are not acceptable, that certain things they simply cannot do. Trust me they will listen to you and will understand you better if you simply talk and not scream.
I hope you found these tips helpful! It definitely takes time and being consistent in order to stop yelling at your kids. Or limiting the yelling. You are human and you are not perfect. Which is totally okay!
Want to know something? You’re a great mama! I know this! So don’t be so hard on yourself.
Make sure to pin these:
I don’t really scream at my kids, but sometimes I do yell at them. I’m definitely keeping this for future reference though!!
Chelsea @ Life With My Littles recently posted…Mama’s Monthly Faves #1
Hey Chelsea! Maybe I should have written yelling because that’s what I also meant. I just put screaming and yelling in the same category,lol. But yeah useful for either or. Thanks!
I’ve definitely yelled at my kids, especially after I had more than one. I’m much better about it now, and I do many of the things you suggest. Helping me spot my triggers has been a huge one. And yep, that look on their faces is more than enough to vow never to do it again.
Nina recently posted…Please Stop Telling Boys to “Man Up”
Thanks Nina! I have been getting way better about not yelling at my kids and much of it is that I breathe and don’t loose my patience so quickly. It’s a working process of course but spotting the triggers helps a lot!
I love your post. I saw myself on this. I am on the first day of 30 days stopping screaming at my kids challenge. I will raise from 30 days to 365 days after that.
Thank you! That’s awesome that you’re doing the 30 days challenge to stop screaming/yelling at your kids!