Ever looked at your motherhood life and think “I hate being a mom?”. Maybe you have or maybe you haven’t. Maybe you didn’t use the word hate per se, you probably said “Being a mom is hard” or “I don’t like being a mom sometimes”. It seriously is the same feeling. So many moms hate being a mom and I’m here to tell you I have the answer to your prayers to start loving your motherhood journey.
There was one time where I asked myself “Why did I become a mom”. I was 21 years old with my first born, going to college and working part time. I felt tired all of the time, not happy and felt like I didn’t have a life outside of being a mom. Can you relate? I was jealous of my sisters and friends who didn’t have a child yet and got to go out or do whatever they wanted really.
I do want to emphasize that if you hate being a mom that doesn’t mean that you are a bad mother. The two do not go together, you can hate being a mom and still be a damn good mom. You still love your kids, you feed them, take care of them, take them to school etc. So please do not define hating or not loving being a mom as being a bad mother.
I’m sharing with you the 13 things to do when you hate being a mom.
Is it normal to hate and regret being a mom?
Even though you love your kids but may hate parenting it is normal. This is a temporary feeling that many moms have. It is normal to feel this way. You are not alone.
Why does being a mom feel so hard?
Being a mom feels so hard because we do too much. Is our nature to want to do everything ourselves, to take care of everyone and the last thing on our minds is ourselves. We hardly find the time for self care and asking for help makes us feel like a failure. I get it mama. But things need to change.
13 things to do when you hate being a mom
1.Acknowledge your negative emotions
It’s not always good to brush up your negative emotions to the side. Sometimes is helpful to sit with it, feel like a victim and just have a day of feeling sorry for yourself. Negative emotions tell you something, so listen to it. Then start asking yourself “how can I replace this negative feeling with a positive emotion”. It helps to then start showing up as the mom that you want to be.
Also, give yourself compassion for feeling this way. It’s not a problem that you hate being a mom. Do not be hard on yourself for it. Instead ask yourself “how can i give myself compassion for feeling this way?”.
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2.Stop the pressure to be perfect
One reason you hate being a mom is because you are putting too much pressure on yourself to be the perfect mom. You are carrying a heavy load of perfectionism that is keeping you stuck and miserable as a mom. Because when you do not reach that level of perfection according to your standards, you feel like a bad mom and not good enough. So then you go back to “I don’t know what I’m doing” or “I’ll never be good enough” or “being a mom is too hard”. Lessen that pressure and you’ll see that you are doing a great job already and that you are good enough. This will help you enjoy being a mom more!
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It’s a great to sit down in a quiet place and just brain dump all of your emotions and feelings. It’s so gratifying to do so and not let those emotions just sit with you. You can ask yourself:
- What is happening in my life that I hate being a mom?
- What will help me enjoy motherhood more?
- One step I can take today to feel better about being a mom is..
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I am a true advocate for moms to practice more selfcare. Which just means having more time for yourself to do the things that brings you joy and energy without your kids. Taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, physically and socially as a mom is so important! It will help you be a better mom by being more patient, loving, happy and calm mama. Because you are taking the time to care for your needs you’ll be able to give your kids and partner the best version of yourself.
In my course “The Damn Good Mother” I teach you exactly how to find time for yourself, how to stop the mom guilt and fun selfcare ideas you can do even as a busy and tired mom! You are more than just a mom. Click here to enroll!
5.Let the small things go
Some things are just not worth your stress or anger. Learn to let the small things go, sometimes yelling at your kids over something silly is not worth it. Sometimes getting mad at your partner over something small like not putting the toilet sit down is not worth your energy. Think about yourself and well being. Ask yourself:
- How is reacting to this helping me be a better mom ?
- How will reacting to this situation in a negative way impact my life?
- How can I trust myself to let the small things go?
6.Change your limiting beliefs
If you don’t like being a mom sometimes that’s totally normal. It’s okay to not find joy in being a mom sometimes because it’s hard right? But that’s the thing mama, the more you say “”I hate being a mom” the more you are going to hate being a mom. The more you say “being a mom is hard” the more hard it will become for you. So in order to start enjoying being a mom and start loving motherhood again. You must start by changing your limiting beliefs about motherhood.
How do you feel about yourself? What are your thoughts about your kid and partner? Are they good? You start from there. If you believe that your family is responsible for your happiness that is a major NO. How are you creating your reality? How can you start changing it? How do you want to feel about being a mom?
Practicing gratitude as a mom is life changing! It can really turn a bad mom day around within seconds. When you practice gratitude and say the things that you are grateful for, it keeps you grounded, you are focusing on what you do have and not what you don’t have. You will become happier because you get to name all the beautiful things that you have and therefore telling the universe that you are open to receiving more good things in your life. At times it takes you writing down what you are grateful for in order for you to appreciate your life, your kids and your partner.
8.Ditch the mom guilt
How many times have you felt guilty that your child got sick? or your child fell down? Or felt guilty you had to go back to work and leave your baby in a daycare. How many times have you said “no” to going on a date night or out with friends because you felt guilty about leaving your kids? I think almost all of us can relate! The guilt will not help you feel better or happier as a mom. It’s actually going to keep you stuck in misery. Feeling mom guilt is a choice that you make, choose wisely!
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9.Learn your triggers
The feeling of hate being a mom or not enjoying motherhood didn’t appear out of nowhere. It was caused by an experience, patterns or something. So, I want you to journal or think about the triggers that are causing you to feel this way. is it the mile long to do list and not getting anything done? is it your kids not listening to you? Do you feel alone? Is it your messy house?
Be clear on your triggers, this way you can start eliminating by taking small action steps.
An honest first step to start taking when you’re not enjoying motherhood is to start loving yourself. When was the last time that you looked at yourself in the mirror and said “Damn I’m beautiful” or “I’m the best mom in the world”. When was the last time that you were proud of yourself? Start loving yourself so deeply that you start seeing your life in a different more positive way. If you want to know how to deal with hating being a mom, is to start with you! Accept yourself and start giving yourself grace. It’s okay to not be okay.
11.Work on yourself
What does working on yourself looks like? Well mama, it’s doing the hard inner work. It’s being aware of why you react to yelling or stress out quickly, is asking yourself how did you create this miserable reality? It’s being able to reflect on yourself, your thoughts, actions and reactions to things.
Ready to step into the best version of you? Not living in stress and overwhelm instead living a life full of joy? It’s possible for you to be the mom that you want to be while creating a life you truly want! Book a free discovery call with me, let’s chat about how my private 1:1 coaching program can help you!
12.Have a happy mom toolkit
Oh I love this! It’s seriously the best thing I have every invented, lol. I usually guide my clients into creating their own toolkit. Whether it’s for stress, anxiety or to be a happy mom! So basically a toolkit is a number of activities that you create and will use when you are feeling stressed out, unhappy or worry about anything. Your toolkit can have these things inside:
- Breathing meditation
- Watching a funny YouTube video
- Tapping (EFT)
- Reiki session
- Walking in nature
- Taking a 5 minute break
- Listening to a podcast
- Saying affirmations
This is what my toolkit looks like and I love it! So everytime you are feel triggered pick an activity out of your happy mom toolkit and that’s it!
13.Enjoy this season of motherhood
Last but not least mama, you have to learn to love the season of motherhood that you’re in. Even on the hard times, stressful times and times when being a mom is too much for you. How can you love your motherhood journey even when..? It’s a pretty powerful question to ask yourself isn’t? Enjoy your kids,go out as a family, take care of your relationship with your partner!
Remember mama, you are strong, beautiful, worthy and loved! You got this!
I have helped so many moms who didn’t have hope with my private 1:1 coaching program. If you are ready to stop struggling as a mom, stop feeling so overwhelm and burnout and start prioritizing yourself and your life. Book a consult with me today, to learn more about my coaching program!